why mood is changing?

Dear you,

I just came back from my holiday from Bandung, Jakarta and Jogjakarta in 2 weeks *grin*, on of my BFF was getting married in Bandung and Jogjakarta so i attended it twice. The feeling when i was there is..excited, of what will i do in the next day, where will i go for culinary trip or hunt something. But when its all stopped, just in a secon, i feel so empty.
 i suddenly remembered bout a song titled "Lucky" by Britney Spears in her early career that said about emptiness..it might correlated well in other's situations when you feel so lonely in the crowd.

Lets assume it caused by mood swing. I ever read about "mood" that we could actually controll, by our brain, and still until now i can not imagine how to controll my chemical thing flows inside my brain LOL. It's an interesting knowledge to be learned and i think that i need to find any books to understand it.

 The craziest time would be like you suddenly cry after you watched a comed movie, negatively, just because you can't understand why you have to cry. Or yea, i never did that situations but i ever felt so stressed after i laughed of a joke..err..seriously    i
 didn't ever understand why my mood is so easily changed.

My sign of birth is a gemini in astrolog, that figured by two girls that have different characters and habit. I often thought that it might be caused of my mood swing, but..i never ever trully believe on that kind of astrological things. So i just assume it's just my inabilities to controll my happiness.

 wait, why i have to controll my happiness? LOL. I wish i always be happy.


Ah i know what i have to do when i feel so dumb, i just need to close my eyes and smile. :)

 see you  then, i'll close my eyes now.

Big hug and kisses.

Between any decision..

Dear you,

It's almost noon now, not a general time for me to write anything but i already keep the title since last night..
been thinking 'bout what's bothering my mind..well 'though i haven't understood anything but some decisions lately made me a bit wobbled..yeah i might haven't touched the "decision" level, yet, but the processes in each days were wobbling me for real..
 its not a life or die options but i mostly feel like i could be die if i decide it wrong way..

Have you feel like you're so stressed before any examinations and somehow you feel jsomething crash your chest when you know that u can't finish it?

Or the feeling when u presenting your proposal in front of your client but the fact is your client do not approve it?

I feel that "chest popping" jus before i decide anything LOL..
most of people think that taking a decision is choosing between two or three or more options..but if you realize..you actually not "choose" it..but you think about connections between that options and then decide the better condition of your options before..

Fidgetiness, that's describe me best right now..if you ask about "why?" or "how?"..i just can't answer it, yet.
but i feel so blessed that i have my own place to just breath a moment and think about anything on my track..


So, i'll keep it for myself, still..and try to elevate it into any positive ways.. :)

Wish all best luck and happines..cya #kiss #bighug

It's me!! Again..

hello worlddd...

it's me... agaainn...

yeah i'm back..!!

i've been thinking to start to write, again, and suddenly remember about this blog. oh dear, it's been sooo looong when i stopped to write at July 17, 2010. wow it almost 5 years ago!! LOL. 

and if there's any question 'bout why i start it all over again..errr i don't have the answer, yet. i just want to write, thing that i ever enjoyed much and kept most of my emotions well.

it doesn't mean that i need it now, but thought that i have to try it so i can understand it.

oya why i choose "the trouvere" as my blog name? LOL i cant remember it anyway. i already checked the translations at Google but seriously i can't figured what's in my mind at the 1st time i picked it. it does sound AH-MAZING but i'm afraid if i did any mistake LOL.

well, Wikipedia said that Trouvere means “to compose, to discuss, to invent” or “to compose something in verses”.. so, if i flashed my memory back to the 1st time i looked for my blog's name..it might means wishes of any arts and lessons written in it. well, its a great meaning..maybe i'll keep it named that way rather than change it.. :)

so, welcome home for me, and have a great day for all of us.

surely will see you soon in a blink.. :)

They said, it's a life's step...

hi all...
ehmm how's your month??
hope it's not like my confusing month... :)

well ya, i know that it's a bad habit for grumbling around and talk about our bad past experiences...
but what can i say, it messed me up a little... errr or much...

it's already became my life experiences... for being a jobseeker... :D

no...not because i didn't believe anyone who said that it's so hard to get a job lately...
but i just tried to be optimistic in facing my own future...
i thought that it'll help me to be confident at the same time either...
'tough ya... i already missed in some job interviews and assesments... LOL

hmmm... hey it's so silly... i was planned to write all of my grumbles here, but now... i think i'd better cheer myself up..hmmm

my friend told me that i just don't get my ace yet when i knew that i just failed in one of my assesment...
well i think that it's a nice thought about our life steps...
if u think that u failed, you just have to change your sentence become "I JUST DON'T GET MY ACE,YET"

nice thing huh?? :)

hmmm now i'd better looking for another applications than grumbling... :p

well, wish me luck all...

my best wishes will always sent to you all... :)

been spinning around...

hi folks...
how's your story today... must great right?

today, i did nothing, again...
you know it's so damn boring when you have nothing to do... and i feel it too...
i know that patience is a hard word to do.. but i don't know that it is so damn hard in real... this boring time sometimes made me think about everything in my life... and i did hate most of them... some are sounds like hard world, plan to do in the future, people's kindness, or else... yeah you don't need to understand what's in my mind but the point is... i hate being jobless!! God, i do hate it...

i even had a hard conversations with my Dad about one of it, and i hate his thought about his pride...
i think that it's him, not mine... none is mine... and he should know about it...
stop thinking like i'm nothing in this world, and the most important thing is your thought...

what if, i break all the rules to set myself free?
what if, i run away from all of my daily activities and go far far away?
what if, i think that it's okay to have no pride anymore?
what if, i kill all of disguise people in this world?

well ya, i ever thought about it, i do LOL
but, i have my own way to defend myself from them...
and all i need to know is you trusting me Dad...
please... i'm not a girl no more...
you just need to warn me, but all of the decisions are in my arms...

and the next problem will be, when will you understand me?
when will it come to me?

i grown up by years, not in a few days...
and my age is already mature..
it's my life either....
i need to be free to choose what i love...

uhmm... it's a bad blog i know LOL...
coz i said about my sadness here but, i need to share it or i'll blew myself out LOL

well, i'm just a 'lil bit calm now... ^_^
let's hope for a great day for tomorrow... amien...
and... don't forget to do shaum in Rajab folks... see ya....*_^

chasing the cheese...

hi folks...
how's your days? well i spent a couple days in nothing except walked around my room... did nothing... LOL

well i had a little thought about a word "chase" for me... i thought about it at my bathroom this day... (*i do didn't know neither why i have to choosed bathroom as my place to think LOL)
i realized that "chasing" is the greatest activity in the world... why? because we could always feel the curiousity  in each time we spent... and that's the point folks!! we should spotlight it first...

did you remember the time when you chased your girl/boy?
did you remember when you looking for a book, a bag, a bandana, a car stuff or else that you collect?
it's fun, isn't it?
and that's the point... the fun in chasing something...

but there's other question from me folks, why we have to felt that fun in curious?
hmmm... quite weird huh? we know that live patiently is so much  better than live in an "unsave" zone...
so, why we felt so damn happy in chasing something?
that we couldn't ever know the end of the story?

(*hey.. how many question up there? LOL)

then i suddenly remember about the thing that i loved when i was in senior high school... some kind of a series of comic books... **daydreaming
i met them again in a bookstore a couple months ago and i can't resist my self to only stared at them... coz i have no money to bought them **sad

i think i need to save a little money for them someday... **sigh

ow yeah, now i'm a jobseeker...LOL and finnaly i knew that it's so hard to be a jobseeker... i've been failed for a few times LOL.... i was so disappointed, i did, but it's fun either... well i love "chasing" remember? LOL
all that i need to do are praying and seeking... hope the best for me... God please help me to get it... Amin

well that's all folks... we could change the world to be a better world, see ya in my next diary... ^_*

colour me crazy...

good evening world...
how's your weekend pals... must be great huh?? :D

actually, i spent my saturday with my lovely boyfriend hohoo... well ya we just went to malls, looking for my BF's car stuff or a kind of that and i choosed to bought a new silicone case for my cell's... euhmmm... honestly, i'd like to bought a pink one, my fave colour, but what can i do?? i'm so disappointed in its colour mixed on my bronze cell's colour... it's so unmatchable :(

so, i decided to bought the yellow one... which i like the colour, **although i love pink most, and when i tried it in my cell's it's so better in mixed with my cell than the pink so i bought it... **God, i still want the pink most :'(

and tonite, i'm looking for the free downloadable themes for my cell, the yellow one, but i'm so mad becoz i think there's something wrong with the web **sigh....

it's so ridiculous if you hoping that everything's alright but it wasn't... **rolling eyes

well, i'd like to take a pict of the new face of my cell but how?? LOL
i still don't have any camera except my cell's cam... :D

ehmm... all that i want to say is...
I STILL WANNA BUY THE PINK ONE PLEASE... :(

owkay... i know i can buy it another times but honestly i have no money anymore LOL...
so yea... i'll save some for my next silicone case... **hoping

it's all for tonite pals... tomorrow i'll go check my files on my faculty, and some "other" files :D
so let's hoping for the great day for tomorow... amienn... :)